Wow, this is a stretch for me.  More of a stretch than it is for most women.  I am 5’9″ and have dealt with being tall since 7th grade.

My Mom and Dad both said I should always be proud of being tall and stand with shoulders high and chin up.  OMG (and I NEVER use that phrase) I can’t tell you how many times I heard people tell me not to slouch.  I didn’t do it on purpose.  I think when girls grow real fast, real young, they slouch because their bones can’t quite hold them up yet.  I certainly didn’t do it on purpose.  The sad thing was that they didn’t believe me.  Oh well.

After a few years of being the too tall girl, I  read a story about a ‘giant’ person that had leg bone removed to reduce their size. So, I  looked into having some leg bone removed to help shorten my stature.  Not an option. I believe the person in the story was about 7’8″. I didn’t quite meet the giant criteria.

After that I wore flats for years so I wouldn’t offend my shorter man friends.

I learned one thing pretty early.  Slouching and wearing flats doesn’t make you shorter and the guy you are trying to ‘out short’ knows it.

OK, I could find taller guys to date but I could not pre determine the people I would interview with when I was looking for a job.  And the ‘people’ were, of course, always guys.

If you were a 5’9″ young woman, going in for an interview with a 5’6″ guy back in the 1980s your  chance of getting hired was pretty much 0.  I’m not going out on the feminism role or anything like that.  I’m just telling you what happened consistently to me and my tall girlfriends.  Not a true survey with test samples, etc.  Just our real world and I’m sticking with it.

So, what I started doing was contacting the guy’s secretary/assistant ahead of time and asking about him.  What’s he like, what kind of boss is he?  Oh, by the way, what does he look like?  How tall would you say he is?  OK.  That did it.  If I could find out ahead of time I would know if I stood a chance.  (Pun not intended.) 

I would sometimes schlep in with flats and a slouch and get the job.  Once I was on the job and stood up straight, he would usually start treating me like I had done something wrong.  If I could joke him out of it and make sure he knew I really wished I was shorter, it could work out alright.  I did, in fact, have a lovely boss one time shortly after I graduated from college, that was about 5 inches shorter than me and we got along just fine.  That guy really was secure in his knowledge, his skills, his being.

I guess what I have learned about the tall/short issue is that it is about human beings and their securities/insecurities. I have never ‘looked down’ on a person because of their size or ‘looked up’ to someone simply because they towered over me. I would like to think we can appreciate all another person brings to the table whether it is a work situation or a friend/lover relationship.

I have some very short girlfriends and I will check back later with some ‘short gal syndrome’ issues.

Well, not really up to my knees, but sometimes up to my ankles.

I should explain.

We have had terrific garbage service in our neighborhood since we moved here almost 20 years ago. The companies have changed a few times but overall the service has stayed very good.

A few years ago we had an amazing hauler with a flair for singing gospel at the top of this lungs. I used to look forward to Fridays when he would come by with the radio in the truck blasting out church and gospel music. He’d sing along and have the happiest expression on his face. I’d stand in the driveway when I heard the truck approach the end of our street just so I could hear him and give him a wave and a thank you before I pulled the empty can back up the driveway. Sometimes I thought I would sure like to be that happy at my job. How he handled the early mornings, the mess, the heavy lifting, and a job that some people think is degrading was beyond me.

If you have ever been in NYC when there’s a garbage hauler strike, you will appreciate the extreme importance of the trash haulers. You would realize the work is not degrading at all. Hard work, yes. Messy work, yes. But degrading? I would suggest our lifestyles would be totally downgraded without the noble trash collectors, not to mention the health issues that would overcome our cities.

But, back to my story.

I can tell it’s garbage pick up day.  There’s garbage blowing around all over the neighborhood.  That’s what it’s like when there’s very little wind.  When it’s ‘blow me down’ windy–watch out! This didn’t used to be an issue until they changed our service from private companies to ‘county run’ pick up and the tax payers bought new trucks. Of course we didn’t get to vote on this FYI. The new trucks, purchased to save money and be more efficient, have a top loading arm. The former trucks had the trash loaded into the back by the hauler and the truck had two employees–a driver and an outside guy. Now the trash is dumped into a container at the front of the truck, by the driver, a button is pushed and the container lifts high into the air. As it makes this fantastic, ballerina type lift, all the loose trash floats up and out on delicate puffs of air before the container is tilted and emptied into the main dumpster of the truck.

On light wind days we get about half a can of extra junk in the yard after the truck goes by. On high wind days, we will pick up trash for about a week from the front and back yard and fill about 3/4 of a trash can. Plus, things like plastic bags and fast food wrappers and tissues end up in the trees. The squirrels, of course, can use this for their nests and it becomes a ‘green’ issue if we would want to make any changes. How thoughtless to want to harm the squirrels or hamper them from nest building. I am thinking they used to use sticks and foliage and things like that. Now they use old grocery bags and napkins and other things I don’t even want to think about.

But, back to my story.

I’m not convinced we, the tax payers, have done a great thing going green and going cheap with only one employee per truck and bringing in top loaders. I’ve seen the same junk in my yard three different weeks in a row and still I keep picking it up and hoping I don’t have to look at the same trash yet again.

An extra impact of the top loader trucks is that they also hit the branches of the Oak and Maple trees lining our streets. The impact rains down branches and leafs on our yards and streets and since we have spent so much on the trucks, we no longer have street sweepers in our area.

Maybe they can find that out of work former employee and give him a job picking up the loose trash and sweeping the streets.

Just a thought.

What’s your house look like these days? Still have one of those spare bedroom closets you haven’t looked in for a more than a few months? Or, maybe you have dresser drawers you have totally abandoned because they are so full you can’t open them any more. Or (horrors) do you have a room that is so full of stuff you just have a little path through it that only someone half your size can squeak through sideways?

I hate to admit it but my house has gotten out of control. It started a few years ago when my husband’s sister passed away at the very young age of 38. In the process of clearing up her estate, some of her stuff ended up at our house. Then my husband’s mother went into a nursing home and some of her stuff ended up at our house.

Then my mother went into a nursing home and–guess what?

Right.

Don’t get me wrong. We did get rid of most of the stuff. There are just some things you feel you need to keep. You know. Christmas decorations, hand made furniture, paintings, quilts, books, Dad’s army jacket, momentos from the grandparents and the great grandparents, etc, etc, etc.

On top of all the stuff of our relatives, we have our own stuff. Both of us are musicians, we are both artists, we read voraciously and collect books, we ride bikes and play numerous sports, and we are both sentimental.

Yes, I know this is getting personal. Some times to get to the point, it’s necessary to shed a bit of light on the subject.

We finally have arrived at the point of desiring to downsize, to declutter, to minimize. This process has become an adventure. I am never quite sure what I will find when I dig to the bottom of a closet or wade through the storage room that contains my parents’ belongings. There are some interesting finds and quite a few tears with each effort I make. I can only do the sorting in mini bursts because of the tedium and the emotions.

But, it’s alright. I have taken on this adventure and broken it in to manageable chunks of mini forays into the world of junk gone wild. Target for the ‘return home’ is May.

Well yes.

2013, of course.

In site is the end of minimal adventures and the doors and drawers to living a downsized life will be flung wide open. I can’t wait to walk through those doors and open those drawers.

I have some stuff I need to put away.

The title of the next Broadway musical?

My next murder mystery thriller?

A police scanner call?

None of the above.  If I were terribly creative or a cunning whit or a bard, I might be able to write the next stage hit of the century.  If I didn’t already have three books partially finished, I might be able to use the missing Elaine as a featured character in yet another mystery novel.  If I had friends on the police force, I might be able to get them to send out an all points bulletin.

But since the ‘ifs’ are either impossible or too daunting, I got on Facebook and penned a desperate private message to Elaine.  It was simple yet heart felt.

“Elaine, we miss you.  We need you.  Please come back to our page and entertain us.”

Good fortune was with me.  Elaine was right there to answer my plea.  I don’t want to embarrass her by repeating what she said but it was basically this:  We write serious, important things, and she just tells stories.

Well, yes Elaine, that is exactly why we need you!  The world needs to be entertained.  It’s the entertainment that puts the balance back in life, puts the Cheery in Cheerios, it feeds us and helps us go forward with renewed spirit and vigor.

You pen a good yarn, casting out your net with your magical words, leading us on, then, finally drawing us in with the surprise ending. Captured and delighted.

We do need you.

Elaine Whittingham, please come home.

Rollercoaster?  Downhill skiing?  Motocross?

No.

Marriage.

Just a few thoughts about marriage and long term relationships, the good, the bad, the ugly.  I’ve been in a long term relationship and a long term marriage (not both at the same time!) and know a little bit about the challenges, what works, and what doesn’t.  I have friends and relatives that have been married numerous times and some that have been with the same partner for decades.  Also, some folks had quite a few ‘failures’ before hitting on the long term solution.

First of all, I don’t think marriage is for everyone.  Second, although I don’t believe in divorce myself, I don’t in any way condemn others for making that choice or going through that process.  It’s a very personal decision based on circumstance and individual situations.

That being said, I have observed the first few years of a marriage may very well be the hardest.  Even if you have lived with a person for several years, having that ‘yoke’ of marriage on you changes everything in very subtle ways.  There is a period of adjustment to each other, then after the adjustment, there is the ‘ah ha’ moment.  You wake up one morning and look at your partner and think, “He’s just not as handsome as he used to be.”  Or, “What the heck have I gotten myself into?”  You start to change a bit and maybe get too used to each other.  The romance may fade or their habits start to get on your nerves.  You may stop talking to each other or stop making time for each other.  Little things, like a wet towel left on the bathroom floor, can cause a total blow up.

Life gets busy.  Yes, people change over time but that’s not always a bad thing.  Work happens, children happen, money problems happen, roving eyes happen.  But somehow, if there is communication and a deep down commitment, you can get through all the challenges.

As I have ‘mellowed’ I have taken a fresh look at all of my relationships and found ways to make them better and life in general better. First, I always remind myself how much I treasure other people and how precious the time I get to spend with others really is. Second, I remind myself I can be a real pain at times. Third, I accept that there are things about other people that will never change and I love them anyway for all of the good qualities they have. I could never have said these things 20 years ago and I would never have believed them or taken them as words to live by. Growing up has been an eye opener and a good one for me.

It doesn’t ever get completely easy. Like I said, people keep changing and so does life. But the commitment shouldn’t change. It’s either there or it isn’t. I don’t know if you can get it back once it is gone. I guess that’s why I believe, if you go into a marriage with the idea that it’s for life, it makes things easier.

“Back up plan? There is no back up plan. This is it!” quote from ‘Armed and Dangerous’ that just happens to be on while I am typing this blog. Timing is everything.

The problem with a positive mantra is that you are setting yourself up for failure.  Not to mention disappointment.  I mean, if you look in the mirror in the morning and say out loud to yourself, “This is going to be the best day ever,” and you get in your car and have traffic issues right off the bat, it’s just hard to keep that ‘best day ever’ attitude.  The day is bound to go downhill from there.  Then what?  You change the mantra to, “This might be a bad day but I’ll deal with it alright.”  And this time you say it quietly to yourself without making eye contact.  No mirror needed for this one.

OK, I confess.  I am saying this tongue in cheek.  I hope you noticed.  The bulge in my cheek isn’t chewing tobacco.  It’s just my tongue.

I had to write about mantras from the flip side of my blog from yesterday.  I had some rude comments from some very close friends.  Granted, these are depressed, nasty people that totally believe every day is going to be terrible.  They are convinced if you set low expectations you are more likely to be accurate.

Of course, my take on this is that if you set low expectations, you also may occasionally be pleasantly surprised. That’s the optimist in me coming out.  Can’t help it.

So next time I want to share an encouraging mantra via Facebook or other social media, I may just invent a few low key, glass half empty mantras.

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  But you will still have tomorrow to correct what you mess up today.”  Appropriately bright and encouraging, yet offering a safety net for failure.

Or, “You will become what ever you can imagine.  Just remember what you imagine will change pretty frequently.”  This one allows for flexibility for those with little or no notion of what they want to be when they grow up.  Or even what they want to be tomorrow.

And maybe this one, “Others can only define who you are if you allow it.  But you may want to let them define you so you can decide for yourself if that’s who you really are.”  This could save someone quite a bit of time and effort. 

So, I’ll leave it to you to determine if you want to use a daily positive mantra or if you want to go with the more forgiving, lowered expectation mantras I will devise for you. I’m here to offer you the flip side.

Do you ever get caught up in Facebook posts of inspirational quotes?

“You will become what you think.”

“Today is only as good as you make it.”

“Other people can not define who you are.  Only you can define yourself.”

Do these quotes really inspire you?  Or do they just remind you of what you already know?  I mean, I have a hard time thinking that a quote like, “You define yourself,” is really news.  Some of these things seem so trite.

And yet . . .

Maybe we do need the reminders.  We might just forget from time to time what is important in our lives and a quick one liner can get us back on track.

I have often read about daily mantras and have been to endless seminars, both business, and personal development seminars, that encourage me to speak a positive mantra each morning (and throughout the day as needed).  Does this really help?  Maybe for some folks but probably not me.  Every morning I wake up happy with full expectations of a wonderful day ahead.  Now, maybe most people don’t feel like this, I don’t know.

Do I need reminders of what my goals are for each day?  Probably.  That’s because I have gotten somewhat forgetful over the years.  But do I need to remind myself life is a gift and each day is precious?  Not at all.  Somehow I was born with this knowledge and have never forgotten it. 

I’m a bit sad that other people have to shake themselves each morning into knowing they are here for a purpose and they are important.  How sad is that?  Shouldn’t that be second nature?  Or, maybe, first nature?

But, whatever works to help people realize they have a mission, and it can be either for good or bad or it can be of value or worthless, is perhaps worth doing.  I just happen to think more highly of people than to think they don’t already know these basics of being a human being.

In the mean time, the seminar organizers and the life coaches are earning a good living and probably are smiling each morning when they look in the mirror and say their positive mantra.

March 1st. 

I still wake up on the first day of a month with an R in it and say ‘White Rabbits!”  It brings good luck, you know.  Or didn’t your mother tell you?

My Mom was born in the East End of London back before it was blitzed in WWII, before the depression, before the Great Flood of London.  She had, and still has, dozens of quaint sayings and funny songs and amazing stories about her childhood and growing up in the poverty of the East End.  Her father, an Irishman, worked terribly hard in horrible conditions but also had a great sense of humor, a love for life, and a love for music.  Her mother, a London Cockney,  was also a hard worker but had a more pragmatic take on life.  They must have been a perfect balance because my Mom was a good mix of the two.

Mom used to regale us with funny songs when we traveled.  There was one that starts, “There was an old man that had an old sow . . .” and it moves from there into funny animal sounds and on to verses about what the man did taking the sow to market, etc.  I can’t remember all the words because I always started laughing so much at the animal sounds it blocked out everything else.  She also used to sing the famous “Molly Malone” song about the woman selling cockles and mussels alive, alive O.  We didn’t have too many dull moments on our road trips.

I have to say I have always felt lucky and I think it was because of my Mom. She made a point of finding ways we could bring good luck to ourselves, either by doing some unusual thing that other people didn’t do, or by saying some special words at certain times or during certain events.

Scotch in tea first thing on Christmas morning, even when we were very young, brought us all kinds of luck. Not stepping on cracks in the sidewalk not only brought luck but also kept away harm. Not crying on our birthday, no matter what happened, would ensure a perfect year ahead. And, of course, White Rabbits on the first day of a month with an R in it.

I’m feeling the luck already. You have April still to try it out for yourself. Then, it’s a long, dry summer before September gets here. So don’t forget.

I admit it. I am an absolute, unabashed, knock me over with a feather, sucker for vehicles that look like something other than a vehicle. If I am driving down the road and happen to see one coming from the other direction, I almost cause a wreck from the excitement. Thursday was a great example.

The talk show on the radio was a mild distraction for me when I was driving home from work. I usually have the radio on just to keep myself from getting overly concerned about traffic. It takes the edge off, if you know what I mean. Suddenly they were talking about something of interest. They were interviewing two of the operators of the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile. I turned up the volume and found out they were in town and, better still, they were only about 5 miles away from my location. The traffic was heavy but I managed to get off the highway, turned around, and headed for the radio station.

Luck was with me. I pulled in to the lot and rounded a corner, and there it was. A giant dog in a bun on wheels. The operators must have still been inside the building because no one was around. I took the opportunity to take photos (which I later discovered were eaten by my phone) and look through the windows of the vehicle. Very cool. I had kind of been depressed all week, probably because of the dreary weather, but seeing the Wienermobile lifted the veil.

I have experienced many other sightings of interesting vehicles over the years including two Hersey Kisses on wheels, a giant grocery cart, a giant Radio Flyer Wagon, a giant grill, and, this was a really good one, The Batmobile with Batman driving. He passed me in heavy traffic on the interstate near St Louis and I was able to grab the camera and take a couple of good shots without getting in a wreck. When I was on the road 50% of the time, I used to take my camera everywhere and keep it on the seat next to me because I used to see strange things like that pretty often.

My job has changed and I don’t travel too much out of the area any more. Because I don’t get to see too many of these cars now, when I do it’s a very big deal. A bit like the icing on the cake or just maybe, the mustard on the dog.