When I was a kid, I read constantly.  I wrote constantly.  I talked constantly.  Well, I had to (about the talking).  I was a girl, you know.

What happened though was that the reading influenced the writing.  I loved Shakespeare, still do.  My writing would take on the ‘what hast thou done,’ quality of Shakespeare until I read someone else.

Gertrude Stein’s writing stuck on me like glue.

Well, let me tell you, I could write an entire page and just have one sentence out of the whole thing.  I impressed myself with my ability to take on everyone else’s writing style.  I wasn’t thinking about how their style was unique just to themselves.  Unique.  That was what I was missing.

Trying to find my own voice and my own style is taking a lifetime.  And it changes over time.  I am still influenced by others.  Sometimes I sit back and ask myself, ‘Where did that come from?”  And sometimes I look back on works I wrote 20 years ago and wonder how I did it.  Where did that magnificent voice come from and how the heck can I get it back?  It’s almost like looking at an old photo and not believing you used to look like that.  I mean, where are the wrinkles and the sagging jaw line? 

I don’t mind growing older because I think I keep learning things as I go along through life.  I also don’t mind being influenced by other writers because I think I can pick up things that work with my thoughts and my style.  I don’t know that I would like a constant style though my work over the years.  How boring it would be to read something I wrote at 17 and for someone to still be able to identify my writing at 30 or 40 because the style never changed (or improved!) over all those years.

What I would like, I think, is for the stories to still be interesting.  Not exactly like the Ellery Queen stories or Doyle stories, but something that would keep grabbing people and bringing them back even if my writing style changed.  I am still interested in the same types of crimes and the same inner workings of the human spirit.  Still interested in good and evil.  Still interested in salvation of the human soul.  If I can continue to find a way to evolve my writing style and hold on to the basic workings of my mind when it comes to mysteries, I will have solved my own lifetime mystery.

I spend a lot of time wondering how other people think.

Not WHAT other people think.

HOW they think.

They say the creative mind is different from, say, a mathmatical mind, or an analytical mind. You may have heard about the right brain/left brain theories on creative thinking and tried to figure it all out.  I read all of the theories and studies and still I wonder.

If you were creative or ‘different’ when you were in grade school, how did you feel about it?  Were you teased, ridiculed, bullied, or simply ignored?  I would say all four happens to creative children at one time or the other.  And how did you react?  Did you try to pretend you were like everyone else? ‘Normal?’ Did you try to act and think like others?  Did you find kinship with the outcasts of the class or did you sit by yourself and try to pretend it didn’t matter that you didn’t fit in?

I understand many things now that I am older.  One thing I see clearly now is that creative children have more in common with the other outcasts than they ever would have with the mainstream kids.  One boy I especially remember was absorbed in history.  He loved it and was good at knowing all the details of battles and the ins and outs of historical events as well as the dates and names of all the important historical figures. He was a bit heavy set and wasn’t really ‘social.’ Tom never fit in and was often the butt of jokes because of his passion for history. I never laughed. I had an admiration for that passion of his and I still remember his name after all these years. There was also an amazing ‘science’ girl. Claudia was fascinated with the space program. We were in Florida at the time and the space program was huge. But, at that time, women were not allowed in the space program. No problem for Claudia. She knew she could be a scientist in the background and would be accepted for her abilities. You may or may not recall but those were the days of Martin Luther King, Jr. saying we should be judged by the contents of our mind.

So much for that.

I believe creative people and very smart and/or talented people have a tough time growing up. They are misfits from the get go. Helping a child embrace their unique qualities should be the job of the parent or close relative/family friend. Claudia and Tom had parents that treasured their unique passions and abilities. When that support isn’t there though, it’s very difficult. Some parents don’t know what to do and some just wish their child was ‘normal.’

I think most people do find a way eventually, usually by finding kindred spirits and creating their own ‘normal.’ A good example of this is the one group every school has. The nerds. They are usually math geeks or computer geeks that are miles ahead of the rest of us intellectually (and way behind us socially). Because of their smarts, they are ostracized. We don’t want anyone around to remind us we aren’t Einsteins. But, somehow, they gravitate to each other and they do OK. They usually end up having great careers and great families.

The artists usually find each other, the musicians form bands, the history buffs join a club. We all search for a place to be where we are the norm and no longer the misfit.

I am grateful for all the misfits of this world because they bring us enlightenment, entertainment, enhanced living, and music to our ears. So, bring on the laughter, and the jokes, and turn a cold shoulder, but the misfits will always be the ones that end up the winners. Maybe never ‘normal’ but who wants that anyway?

Endeavour. Does that name bring up any memories for you from grade school history class?

With the recent problems on cruise ships, I was thinking about how terrible it is when people are stuck at sea with no way to get help. People are truly at the mercy of others (as well as mother nature) in those situations and, fortunately, most of the time everyone is saved.

But, look back in history and you will see how treacherous ocean travel used to be. We have quite a few books on old ships and charts for making models of them and one of my favorites is “Captain Cook’s Endeavour” by Karl Heinz Marquardt. The ship was built in 1764 and was used for a voyage of discovery with James Cook as the commander of the expedition. Something I had forgotten was the specific mission of the Endeavour. The Royal Society wanted to send astronomers to the South Pacific to observe the transition of Venus between the Earth and Sun on June 3, 1769. It was going to be a rare event, not to be repeated for over 100 years. They believed the observation would bring a great deal of new understanding to the existing world of astronomy and the science of navigation.
The ship transported several scientists, astronomers, and artists and a crew of about 90 men.

Now, here is what I find very interesting. The ship’s log with daily entries telling of activities and hardships is fascinating. It makes the recent cruise ship problems seem like a piece of cake.

A few examples:

12/2/1768 Intended date of departure from Rio. The seaman Peter Flower fell overboard and drowned. Hired a Portuguese seaman as replacement.
1/16/1769 Anchored in the Bay of Success to take in wood and water. Mr. Banks and several men went on land to gather plants, etc. Unable to come back the same day and Thomas Richmond and George Dorlton froze to death overnight.
4/17/1769 Alexander Buchan, landscape artist in Banks’ retinue, died of epilepsy.
7/9/1769 Marines Clement Webb and Samuel Gibson deserted
7/11/1769 Deserters back on board. Punished with 20 lashes.
8/28/1769 Boatswain’s mate John Reading died from excessive drinking.
In the first 3 months of 1771, 24 men died, probably from bad water brought on board. At one point, there were only about 20 able bodied men to handle the ship. The rest were either sick, dying, or dead.

Although most of the men on the voyage were hired on or volunteered for the trip, some were ‘Shanghied.’ Can you imagine being stuck on a ship, doing hard labor, for 3-4 years with no hope for rescue? The gentleman that died from excessive drinking may have found his only way out. Better than being swept overboard or freezing to death I guess.

This isn’t the only area of hardship people suffered to bring scientific discovery to our world. I often think of the trials of Lewis and Clark and their team members. I am grateful to the people, past and present, that have put their own lives on the line to bring knowledge to us. They faced tremendous hardships, were deprived of the comfort of home and family, and often lost their lives in far away places or uncharted waters. My sympathy is with the cruise ship victims but my heart, admiration, and respect are with the brave adventurers of the Endeavour.

You’ve probably read about, and possibly spent some time thinking about, finding your passion.  This is how we are supposed to identify what we want to do in life.  It’s how we are supposed to choose our career and our life’s work.  If you don’t know this yet, you obviously haven’t been listening to Oprah or Dr Phil or reading the monthly ladies’ magazines.

Since I stopped working for banks, I have given a great deal of time to thinking about my passion(s).  I include the (s) because I can’t narrow down my interests to one singular passion.  I have many.    I love the outdoors, the indoors, poetry, history, people, birds, animals, travel, cooking, sewing, the arts, anything creative, driving, writing, sharing my knowledge of financial planning, photography, communicating with my friends and with total strangers, my family, gardening, fashion, old movies/TV,  etc, etc, and not in that particular order.  The question is:  How do I narrow it down?

First, I decided to continue with the financial planning part because that’s what I do and I have a great deal of information and help I can offer to people.  It is also a way I know I can make a living.  What after that?  It was a toss up between writing fiction, writing about finances, and writing about cooking/food.  I already have a monthly gig writing about finances, and since that ties in with my career (aka how I earn a living), I will continue.  I know I have to write every day.  I’ve been a writer since I was about 8 years old and I don’t think I can stop.  My normal form of story telling is fictional mysteries. That seemed to be a good choice for me to continue but I have always loved cooking and lately I’ve been more interested in writing about food.  Can the two be combined?  Mysteries involving food?  No.  Can’t do it.

I read something interesting recently that said, “When you procrastinate, the thing you are doing during that time of procrastination, is maybe what you should be doing full time.”  (Sorry I can’t recall where I read it or who said it.) My ‘spare’ time is spent equally between reading cookbooks and actually cooking and reading news.  The news portion is what has always given me ideas for my mystery stories.  I can see a story about a murder and three years later I see another news story about a location, a character, or a different crime and my mind links the 2, 3, 4, 5 or more stories and a new mystery novel forms.  I don’t know if this is the way other mystery writers get their ideas, but it is how I get mine.

So, back to the quandary.  Food or murders? 

I am thinking I will continue cooking and looking at cookbooks but will still focus on the mysteries. 

That is, when I am not helping people with financial planning, asset allocation, estate planning, and finding ways to meet financial goals.

This time of year when there is snow on the ground and the high for the day is 34 F, it’s hard to think what could be at the farmers’ market.  We just had a fresh 6 inches of snow and ice accumulation on Thursday, and, although it looked very pretty this morning with the sun shining on it, I couldn’t conjure an image of fresh fruits and vegetables. I didn’t even realize the market was going on during the winter.  In St Louis we have the oldest continuous market west of the Mississippi, the Soulard Market.  But that market includes much produce flown in from the south and west and from central and South America.  The farmers’ market I am referring to is one held normally on Wednesday afternoons by our local natural and organic farmers.

A friend of ours, an organic farmer and bee keeper, invited us to come see her Saturday morning at the market. We typically only get to see her in the winter because she works about 20 hours a day during the ‘growing’ months. We missed her and we needed honey, so we decided to venture out and see how the market worked in the winter and how they manage to keep the farmers warm during this icy weather.

Easy.  They moved the market inside for the winter.

Schlafly Bottleworks, a St Louis micro brewery and restaurant, hosts the market in a part of its parking lot during the warmer months.  In the winter, one Saturday a month, they crowd the vendors inside in an open area between the brewery portion of the business and the restaurant.  Very cozy.

To answer my question of what could people possibly be selling?  Honey, nuts, root vegetables like sweet potatoes, turnips, parsnips, and cheese, eggs, meats, mushrooms, home made breads and jams.  There were quite a few vendors and 50 to 100 shoppers.

In that crowd, our friend was still easy to find. Her stall was the first one in the crowded hallway of the building and she was standing behind her display table earnestly talking to a customer. As soon as she saw us she broke away from the conversation to give us hugs. We said a brief hello then let her get back to her customer while we picked out some jars of honey and some preserves. Another vendor nearby had home made breads, rolls, and brownies. It was hard to pass them up, and of course, we didn’t. After all, what good is local raw honey without some fresh home made bread to spread it on?

I’m glad we went out in the cold to get to the market on Saturday. It provided a welcome break from winter as well as giving us a chance to restock our cupboard. There’s something about a farmers’ market that brings good things out of people. Good food, fresh air, a happy crowd, lots of chatter. It just spills out and embraces you, even as you push your way through the masses to get to your favorite vendor. I’m looking forward to the good ole outside farmers’ market in a few months, but for now, I’ll take the hugs and love and warmth of the indoor winter market.

I’ve worked in sales for many years and although it is ‘high end’ sales, it still is guided by the basic principles of salesmanship.  You move along through the sales process, then you have to identify and deal with objections.  It’s good to be proactive but every now and then you are blindsided.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the ‘objections’ to every day living.  We can face objections from family members, friends, people we barely know, and from ourselves.  If you also happen to be in a ‘sales’ field, it’s almost insulting to have to deal with objections from family and friends.  I mean, I know how to answer almost every objection to people moving forward with estate planning, financial planning, or asset allocation.  But why should I have to face objections to daily living issues?

Example:  You plan during the week to meet friends for dinner on Friday evening.  Friday finally comes and there is suddenly an objection to your plans for occupying the children while you are out for a much needed respite and a lovely dinner.  The baby sitter isn’t the one your spouse would have chosen.  Or maybe it was simply that the place chosen for dinner wasn’t the one your friend would have selected.  Or, you all decided on a great place and the table you got wasn’t a good one for seeing the dinner entertainment. 

How we accept and then deal with the objections is a measure of our character and our patience.  It may also be a measure of how stressful our week was or our day or even our drive home from work.  I have times of extreme patience and flexibility and times of pretty irrational crabbiness, as I suppose most people do.  At least, it makes me feel good to think I am in the same boat with most people on these issues.

Would the best recommendation to objections be to take a deep breath and count to 20?  (I find a count to 5 is not quite enough.)  After that short spell of reflection and relaxation, it is good to analyze the objection.  Maybe ask a few questions to further define the objection, then formulate your answer(s).  There may be times the objection can not be met and you need to be honest about that too.  Example:  I wanted x as the babysitter and you didn’t call her/him.  He/she is available.  I guess the best you could do with this would be to apologize for messing up and acknowledge that you already have another person coming and that they should be alright just this one time.  As long as you are appropriately apologetic, you have met the objection, even though you haven’t corrected the situation.  The thing you may learn here is that you can’t always resolve the objection.  Sometimes you just have to acknowledge it and move on.  Apologies, when honest and heartfelt, do a world of good.

Thank goodness there are still some objections in our personal lives that we can conquer.  Example:  I wanted roses planted in the front yard like we discussed, not mums.  This is something you can respond to.  The front soil didn’t test out for the roses and it would take several years to correct the soil before the roses can go in.  For now, the mums will make a nice display.  As soon as the soil tests out better, we can move the mums and plant the roses.  How’s that for meeting an objection without causing too many hard feelings?  Or a dinner issue:  We agreed to eat out tonight.  Objection response:  Well, I was running late and I knew if we went out after I changed, we would have to wait an extra 45 minutes.  I decided to bring home dinner so we could relax and enjoy our time together.  If this is sincere, it can work. 

A more difficult one might be:  The car is old and paying to have it repaired is throwing good money after bad.  Response:  The repairs will hold it another year and, although they are expensive, $4,500, it will help us limp through this rough time.  Next year, if our finances are better, we can trade the car in for a better price, then have the money for a new(er) car.

I see the bartering over objections all the time and it works.  Give and take.  But still someone has to take the bull by the horns and address the objections head on.

For many years I was a fish eating vegetarian.  That lasted about 20 years, then I started gradually adding meat to my diet.  Eventually I was a complete carnivore.  I didn’t feel different with or without the meat.  It was just a matter of doing what I thought I needed to fuel my body at the time.

Several years ago I decided to go vegetarian again.  I was just tired of meat and not feeling real comfortable with the entire animal thing.  Also, I happen to love all vegetables and I thought I wouldn’t miss the chicken, beef, pork, and lamb.  I was thinking I wasn’t going to be able to get enough protein so I included products like soy burgers and soy sausage, etc. in my diet.  For months I felt very lazy.  I wasn’t feeling bad, I just didn’t have any energy at all and needed to nap frequently.  The only thing that had changed in my life was that I wasn’t eating meat.  So, I again became a carnivore.  I started feeling better right away.

Recently I once again became wary of eating animals.  It’s a personal thing for me and I don’t care what others do.  I just don’t want to eat meat myself.  Fish and shellfish, dairy and eggs, OK.  Meat, no.  I do like to know the source of the dairy and eggs and sea food though.  My focus now is on eating ‘clean.’  The vegetables and fruits and grains are all important too and I try to buy local from known sources.  It’s not a major deal for me but I do try to stay informed if possible.

A difference between this time and the last time I went meatless is that I am not eating soy as a major protein replacement.  I have done some reading and it seems it is possible the soy was taking a toll on me.  Without the soy, and without the meat, I am feeling great.  I am eating fish 2 – 3 times a week and I eat beans and yogurt and cheese on occasion.  I am finding a balance with my eating and managing to eat at least 5 vegetables and fruits every day with no trouble.  In the morning I wake up and spend a bit of time thinking about what I will fix for dinner so I will be prepared when I get home from work.  I usually eat the same thing for breakfast each day,  either egg and avocado or egg and tomato wrap,  and a salad for lunch, then a variety of things for dinner.  I end up having pasta a few times a week and another starch, like potatoes, several times a week. I am managing to stay full and stay active and feel pretty good too. At this point I have not lost any weight but I haven’t gained either.

I would suggest people, especially people my age, take some time to think about how they want to eat and what their body needs to live a long and active life. Or, maybe just to live a life healthier then they now live. If you think you need a change, vegetarian or at least partial vegetarian isn’t a bad choice to make. It’s so easy to go a few days a week without meat. And, it is even easy to go every day of the week without meat. It’s a lifestyle choice each person needs to make for him/herself. It can be done for moral reasons, save the planet reasons, save my health reasons, or just because you feel like it. In the mean time, I will be the one saying, ‘hold the meat.’

No, this doesn’t have to do with exercise . . . ‘no pain, no gain.’  It has to do with lack of pain.

I used to have migraines.  In fact, from the time I was 8 until I was over 50, I had horrific migraines about one week out of every four weeks.  So, if you just take the time from age 8 to age 50, that is 42 years with 546 weeks of pain, or 10.5 years, or roughly 1/4th of my life.  Shocking when it is broken down that way. Thank goodness it wasn’t 10.5 years in a row or I wouldn’t be here to tell the story.

What was good about having migraines was not having them.  I mean, after intense pain for a week, when the pain stops, it is heavenly.  I learned to look forward to the end of the migraine, knowing full well the relief would be devine.  It wouldn’t matter if I had other ailments or other issues.  Just not having the migraine was enough to elevate me to nirvana for a short time.

I have been spoiled since the migraines left me.  Each morning I would get up and feel wonderful and go about my day not really thinking about how nice it was to feel wonderful.  I lost my sense of gratitude for good health.

But as things usually go, I got knocked on my rear again by pain.  This time it was a pinched nerve that impacted every step I took.  For 3 1/2 months, every step was agony and trying to sleep at night was hopeless.  I would put on my brave face, except at home, and go about my business, but the pain was always there.  At home I would moan and complain quite a bit.  Somehow the moaning gave me relief.  I remembered that from my migraine days.

Physical therapy and stretch exercises finally worked.  The pain is gone.  I am enjoying nirvana again and this time, I promise, I will remain appropriately grateful.

I should limit that title.  Manhattan is the only part of New York I have ever experienced except for La Guardia.  But I do love it.  And, I love New Yorkers.

What brings this on all of a sudden you might ask?  I was just listening to the radio and someone was complaining about New Yorkers and how they are cold and not helpful if you call in to their 1-800 lines for service.  I just can’t agree with this from my own experience.  Yes, I do love St Louisians but I also love New Yorkers.

Several years ago I was fortunate enough to work for a major international company with offices in New York.  I had never been there but had seen the city via TV and movies all my life.  From Rockefeller Center to the Empire State Building to the Twin Towers to the Statue of Liberty, I had seen it all and ached to see it in person.  It did not let me down.

I arrived in NYC right after Thanksgiving in 1999 and stayed at a great hotel in Manhattan, near the Waldorf.  Unbelievable sites for a Midwestern girl.  Yes, I had been to Chicago, to London, to Miami, and to other lesser cities.  But NYC will knock you off your feet.  I arrived late day and didn’t have my interviews until early the next morning so I unpacked and headed right for the streets for a walk.  Past Radio City Music Hall, past Times Square, rounded a corner and there it was, the giant Christmas tree and the ice skating rink.  I had seen these all my life but never in person.  It was magical.  And, every time I got a bit lost, I would ask someone if they could help me and they always did.  Plus, they offered advice on other things I might want to see.  How could you have a bad impression of that wonderful city or it’s wonderful, friendly people?  Perhaps I had ‘country bumpkin’ stamped on my forehead but I somehow think the people would have helped anyone.  They love their city and want to share it too. 

A month later, after I was hired, I went back to NYC and was joined by 3 other new hires from around the country.  We went out together one evening and were looking for a good restaurant for dinner.  What a joke.  In NYC it’s not finding a good restaurant, but choosing which good restaurant you want to enjoy.  Anyway, we were talking amongst ourselves as we walked and a stranger walking nearby offered to help.  He asked what kind of food we were wanting, what price range and how far we wanted to walk/taxi.  We gave him our parameters and he gave us a restaurant name within about a two block walk.  It was a Thai restaurant and was the best I have ever been too.  It was moderately casual, moderately priced, and had excellent food, presentation, and service.

For the five years I worked for the company, much of the work was done via computer and phone.  Everyone was always pleasant, helpful, and professional.  My periodic visits were something to look forward to and I always had a good time and met great people.  It was hard to lose our office in #5 WT building but we didn’t lose any people there.  I feel so lucky to have been there before 9/11 and am happy to have been able to go to NYC afterwards too.

When I was a little girl my ‘big’ brother was in Boy Scouts.  It seemed like an exciting and mysterious organization to me.  They camped, they made things, they wore patches that indicated they had learned interesting things, and they got a magazine each month that was just for boys.

When Boys’ Life arrived at the house, I would try to read it, or at least the interesting parts, before he got home.  If my Mother caught me, she would put it away so I wouldn’t get the first read.  She always said he should have first chance with it, then he could share it with me.  Of course, if he did get it first, he didn’t want to share it with me.  After all, it was called Boys’ Life, not Girls’ Life.  And, I got Humpty Dumpty so I should be content.

Well, Humpty Dumpty was fine and I liked it OK but Boys’ Life had neat stories and best of all, a whole page of jokes on the second to last page.  I loved the jokes and the cartoons.  Not all of the cartoons.  Some were just for boys.  Pee Wee Harris was a great multi box cartoon about a boy scout and Millicent was a one box cartoon about an elephant. Very funny stuff to a 7 year old.

You might wonder how I remember the details of the magazine.  I didn’t really until last week.  My husband was cleaning up some of his stuff in our basement and he found a copy from February, 1964.  The picture on the cover is priceless.  It’s a Norman Rockwell.  I can’t remember if all the covers were done by him but I do recall many that were.  Reading the magazine I have been reminded of so many things.  There’s a page with record reviews, “Platter Chatter,”  that includes records by Les Paul, Cal Tjader, Lena Horne, and Johnny Smith and Stan Getz.  Jazz was very big at the time.  This was pre-Beatles and a little post-Elvis.  There is also a page with book reviews and a page about stamp and coin collecting.   

As I look at the magazine now I can’t see too much a 7 year old ‘girly’ girl would enjoy except the cartoons and jokes.  Perhaps what made it so appealing was that it was for boys, not girls.  Or just maybe it was beating my big brother to his magazine.